Thursday, September 12, 2013

One Thing I Ask

I do not pray for healing a lot.

I mean, I have prayed to be healed and I certainly do welcome prayers for healing- but I would be lying if I said it was my main prayer.  This illness has been hell, and has brought me to my knees in more ways than one.  It has rocked my life and my husband's life and has taken away so much from me.  But I do not feel that healing is what I am most desiring.

In case you do not know, I have a Bachelors degree in Biblical Studies.  I am saying that simply to let you know that aside from serving Jesus for many years, I also spent 4 years studying hebrew, greek, church history, counseling, teaching, theology, etc.  I am well versed in the theological opinions on Jesus and healing.  And yet...

I am still not willing to say I have the edge on God.  God is so vast and so indescribable, and what I do know about Him from His Word is but a small unveiling of all that He is.  A lot of people have opinions about me and about my illness and what I should or shouldn't be doing.  But despite that, healing is not my main prayer.

My main prayer is that I would be a woman of character and integrity through my illness.  That I wouldn't stop following Him or stop serving Him or stop being a vessel to be used by Him just because I'm sick.  Because bad things happen.  Bad things happen to those who serve God and to those who do not.  People get sick, they die, we get let down, we get hurt and that doesn't mean God is not there and it doesn't mean you don't have faith.  Sometimes there are reasons and other times we just don't know.

But it's not about that.  It's not about my illness or the pain that I'm in right now. It's about following God and making your life count for Him.  It's about giving from what you have and understanding that God is good.  I cannot say this enough- He is so good and so faithful.  I have no reason to be angry with God.

I am not saying I believe God wants us to live in sickness...but I am sick.  For whatever reason, I am still sick- and because I am, it is making me pray harder than ever for my character and my integrity.  That I would live out everything I believe in a way that honors the God that I love now MORE THAN EVER.

And I encourage you to view it the same way.  To look at your circumstances and your hardships not in light of "where is God  and why is He allowing this", but rather asking yourself "how can I come through this with my character and me devotion to God still in tact".

God has already healed me in all the ways that matter.  The greek word for salvation is SOZO, which actually combines the english words saving AND healing.  Not only did Jesus save me, He healed me as well.  There is nothing more sick and in need of healing that the soul that is separated from Jesus.  And when that 10 year old girl gave her heart and life to Jesus, He saved me from my separation from Him- He healed my broken soul.

I am already healed.  You can be healed.  You just have to remember what it is that you really need healing from.

"One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple."  Psalm 27:4

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