Friday, September 6, 2013

My List

Hello again!  I know I usually reserve Friday's for talking about some things that are in my heart, but if you don't mind I need break from that this week.  The truth, as you know, is that I have not been doing very well physically and I just need a small break from talking or even thinking about it.  I do have a few people in my life that are there when things get hard and I need to talk, and I have recently opened up a bit...but it is still so overwhelming.  For this past year Jeff and I have been living under the hope that this is only temporary, and so we just have kind of been doing what we need to do in order to get by until things get better.  But these past couple of weeks, some doctors' reports and other situations have forced us to finally face facts, and we are starting to have real discussions based on the probability that unless God heals me, this is our new life.  Decisions are being discussed and I am having to work through all the feelings and emotions of someone whose entire life- and the validity that goes with it- is being changed.  Lessened.  

And it's been really hard.  So today I just want to stop and think about who I am beyond my illness- some of the things I like as a person whether or not I am sick.  I am going to make a list today of things that make me who I am.  Things I like and enjoy, and maybe just some random stuff that I think of.  I encourage you to take a time out every once and a while and do the same.  It is kind of like taking a time out and getting your footing back a little bit.  Maybe you've been busy, or tired, or just a little confused with your life right now, and maybe you occasionally forget the things that make you smile.  I encourage you to jot down a few things that make you who you are, whether or not they fit into your life right now.  Because these little things help make you, and sometimes you need to remember them.  

1. I love candy.  Like, really love it.  The taste, the colors..everything.
2. I love being in a very social environment and then sitting back and watching everybody have fun.
3. Being curled up under blankets is amazing.
4. I have sensory issues.  I use chapstick and lotion religiously and consider it a crisis if I don't have them.
5. Fall is one of the best things God ever created.
6. All the scents that go with Fall (apple, pumpkin, cinnamon, etc.) make me smile just smelling them.
7. I love to cook and bake things but I usually do not eat what I make
8. There are only 3 people I like talking to on the phone.  Other than them, I avoid it like the plague.
9. I can literally watch movies all day and night
10. My husband is my best friend.  I am so glad he married me.
11. I love reading and being engrossed in a really good book
12. I need just a few minutes to wake up in the morning and then I'm rearing to go and can run the whole day
13. I have a running dialogue with myself in my head.  Often times I narrate my life.
14. I love sitting outside wrapped in a blanket on a nice fall day- and then after a half hour I get bored and want to go inside and watch a movie.
15. I find the ocean mesmerizing yet terrifying and I love to watch it at night.
16. Astronomy fascinates me and I love pictures of outer space.
17. I am scared when I am alone at night
18. I love people.    
19. I am an extremely private loner when it comes to anything personal I have inside
20. I love to laugh.  I don't even care if it's not that funny
21. The only thing in this entire world that I want is to make a difference.  I want to matter.
22. Jesus is my everything.

I purposely did not end this list on a "neat" number, like 10 or 20...because it's not done.  My goal was not to try and encompass everything about myself into a nice tidy list.  I just sat down and typed until the words stopped flowing.  Maybe tomorrow I will think of more.  Maybe next week I will smile at something and add it my ever growing, always running list.  It's nice to be able to look at something tangible and remember the good things that are still inside me.  So take some time this week and dig around for some things that make you who you are.

Have a great weekend.  I will see you Tuesday  :)


  1. #23 you make awesome bagels
    #24 you can fall asleep anywhere
    #25 you have a sneaky Long Island accent still