Friday, February 8, 2013

The Redeemed

I took one on the chin this week.  Remember how I said that all the stuff for the house is done and now we sit and wait for closing?  Well, apparently things can happen while you wait.

There is a chance this is going to fall through.

I won't go into details until things finish playing out, but there is a chance this could fall through and we won't get the house.  Those of you who have been following this blog know that things have not exactly been easy in my life.  I am trying to handle things with as much grace as I can muster, but this one just did me in.  I was out grocery shopping when Jeff called me with the news that we might not get the house.  To say I got upset is an understatement.  It was as if the weight of the past few years just suddenly came crashing down on me.  I just started crying right there in the store.  Not just a few tears...Im talking all out weeping, shoulders shaking, blotchy face crying.  In the middle of Walmart.  In my pajama pants.

Ok, so in my defense they were yoga pants, not pajama pants.  But still...talk about feeling like you are at your lowest.  I just walked around trying to finish my shopping ignoring the fact that the tears would just not stop.  I finally said a prayer- a prayer I never pray.  I asked God to please, please just give me a sign.  Just any small sign that He was still there- that I was going to be OK.  I never pray like that mainly because who am I to ask GOD for a sign?  The cross is the only sign I will ever need to know that He is still there and that I- my very soul- will be OK.  But He answered my prayer in spite of myself.

As I started loading my things at the register, the cashier told me that he liked my sweatshirt.  I immediately felt there was more going on then meets the eye.  You see, I was wearing an old, ratty, gray sweatshirt...but it said Zion Bible College on it.  The cashier was very friendly and he asked me if I was ok.  So of course I instantly start bawling, failing miserably at keeping any sign of composure.  I mumbled something about our house falling through, but I just could not stop crying.  This wonderful young man proceeded to tell me to stay positive and that if it doesn't work out, then it's for a reason.  He then told me that he has had a very difficult time in his life lately, but that a friend gave him some advice and it changed his life.  Thats when I knew...this man was a believer.  I gave him a hug, wishing there were no customers behind me so we could keep talking.

Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe he is just a really nice guy who likes old gray sweatshirts.  But my spirit tells me otherwise.  I saw a man whose face was lit up with more than just kindness and a good attitude...I saw Jesus in him.  I cannot even tell you how much that blessed me.  His love, his kindness, and the fact that his soul has been redeemed and it showed.

I needed that reminder.  I needed to be reminded about the only thing that matters, which is not whether I get this house or not.  I have been too distracted to always remember what this life is really all about.  Jeff talked to the lawyer and there really is a 95% chance that we are going to get this house.  But when you have spent the last few years living in the 5%, you can't help but think that surely this will not turn out well.

So I don't know.  Maybe I will be blogging next Friday about how excited we are to be moving forward with closing.  Maybe I will be writing through my tears telling you that things have not gone as we planned.  But no matter what happens, nothing can take what happened today away from me.  Nothing will get me to forget what it looks like when someone has recently given their heart to Jesus...the problems are still there, but the spirit is so beautifully free.  I may be beaten down, but my spirit is as free to soar as I will let it.

I guess that is what it always comes down to.  Simply Jesus.


**And just to let you all know, this Tuesday's blog is going to be featuring an interview with Stefanie DeLeo- published playwright, Peace Corps veteran, world-traveller...and my sister!  Going to ask her questions about her work and her experiences, and also going to ask her some "wouldn't-you-like-to-know" kinds of questions.  Looking forward to having her on here, hope you can tune in! 

2 comments:

  1. Hang in there sister...God is good!

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  2. i cried at walmart tonight too. poor walmart employees.

    can't wait for stefanie's interview!

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