Friday, January 25, 2013

It Matters

If you watched any news recently, you may have seen the much anticipated Benghazi testimony of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. When questioned about the erroneous statements put out by the government as to the cause of the attack, she slammed her fist and yelled "What does it matter?"  Her point was that it doesn't really matter what happened after...what we should be focusing on was that it happened.

This made me angry.  Very, very angry.  Leadership requires integrity.  It means that every action you take should be done with honesty.  And if mistakes are made, they are owned.  For her to act as if misleading the American people is something that should just be forgotten or overlooked is shameful.  And to act as if we have no right to discuss or question it....well, it just keeps getting worse.  Yes, it does matter.  It matters whether or not we have honest leadership.  It matters that we have all the pieces when trying to solve a puzzle.  It matters if there was a premeditated agenda at work.  It matters.

It's been on my mind, and when something is on my mind it immediately has a way of turning personal.  My beef with Secretary Clinton was twofold: for using a crisis as an excuse for misleading Americans, and for not thinking that it matters.  When breaking it down like that, it's like holding up a mirror: I see the same flaws in my own life.

Things have gone from bad to worse with my medical condition.  These past couple of years have been the hardest I have ever faced.  But I think I focus too much on the major and not enough on the details.  I often make excuses for my less-than-good behaviors.  If I'm not praying, I just tell myself that it's because I don't feel well.  When I don't speak kindly to Jeff, I say it's because of all my stress.  When I'm just plain lazy and lackluster, I say that I will do better tomorrow.

The problem is, it already is tomorrow.

Every today was once a tomorrow.  The cycle will continue and time will go by unless I start to address the "minors" in my life.  Every day that goes by that I do not make the changes I need to is another day that I am slamming my fist down saying "What does it matter?"  

I just want so much more!  I want to bridge the gap between who I am and who I want to be.  I want every part of me to count.  I want is to start today.

So I am going to make today my tomorrow.  And I'm taking you along with me.

I love writing this blog.  You all have been truly amazing in your support of my writing.  Because this has become important to me, I am going to use it to my advantage.  I am going to make a commitment to this blog...with you as my witnesses.  I am going to make you and this blog hold be accountable.  I am cringing as I type this...because I know that once I type this, I will have to live it.  I am a very competitive person, and if I make a public challenge, then I am going to do everything I can to rise to that challenge.  

So with that in mind, I am going to set the goal to pray for 45 minutes in the evening before using any form of entertainment (movies, internet).  I purposely did not say every day, because I just feel that it's too tall an order for me right now.  I don't want to set myself up to fail.  However, I do feel that before I feed my own wants, I should make sure my soul is fed.  So if I am tired one night and don't want to pray, then guess what- I'm going to bed, not indulging myself with mindless entertainment.  

As usual, I will keep you updated.  I will share my successes and my failures in hopes that it keeps me accountable and maybe even inspires you.  But ultimately...I just want so much more of Jesus than I currently have.  The time for inspired writing is over...and the time for inspired living has to begin.  

I invite you to join me in pursuing Him.

Trust matters.

1 comment:

  1. I love this. It's already tomorrow. Quit the excuses and the procrastinating. Get 'er done.

    You go girl!