Thursday, December 13, 2012
What I wrote today comes straight from the places in my heart I have not always been brave enough to go to these past couple of years. Let's get right to it.
This past Sunday at church Jeff told me that he felt he had a small word from the Lord for us. He said he felt the Lord was saying to “fast your tongue.” A few days later, I felt the slightest whisper in my spirit saying “stay your hand.” Fast your tongue. Stay your hand.
I think God is telling us to keep waiting.
I don’t feel like He was telling us not to talk about our circumstance per se, but more telling us to hold our tongues as far as analyzing and planning goes. When life gets difficult, it is all too easy to talk it to the ground. Why are we here? What does God want us to do? When is this going to end? What can we do to get out of this? And so on.
I feel like the heart of what God is saying is for us to stop making decisions. To stop trying to plan it out. To stop trying to figure out what is going on. To stop talking it into the ground. To just stop.
As far as staying our hands, this one is a bit more difficult. Without going into specifics, Jeff and I have some major decisions to make in the very near future. Things are coming to a head and after 2 1/2 years of walking the ever slimming path, it has now led us to a cliff. We must do something or else we fall...and yet God has told us to wait.
I don’t know how much more of this I can take. How far can you go before you fall? And yet I find myself daring to believe again. This small whisper is enough to have kindled what little ember I had left burning in me. Here we are, standing on the cliff, with all sides closing in on us...and we are going to close our eyes and wait. Wait to stand. Wait to fall. Wait for nothing. Wait for everything. I don’t really know, but the last time someone trusted God when there was no way out, the raging seas opened up and they got more than they even knew they were waiting for.
If I sound like a broken record, I don’t apologize. We are all capable of waiting until we get impatient...until it gets grievously hard. It is in the waiting that you learn the trusting. There is an amazing scene in the movie Braveheart that shows just how important it is to wait. The Scottish rebels have gathered to fight the unbeatable English army, and were using some rogue methods to try and win. In this scene, the Scotts were kneeling down on the ground, holding large spears that they were going to use against the English cavalry. The problem was, the only way to impale the horse riding soldiers was to wait until they were close enough to spear. We see the cavalry charging the Scotts...and we can see their faces as their leader, William Wallace, tells them to “hold”. The cavalry rages closer, and Wallace says “hold”. The faces on the Scottish rebels are both anxious and fearful, and still Wallace yells “hold”. And after the last possible second, when they could see the whites of their enemies eyes, Wallace finally yells “NOW” in a deep guttural voice. Immediately hundreds of spears go up into the air and the mighty English cavalry was reduced to nothing in a matter of seconds. The Scotts rose from their success and charged the remaining English army...and claimed their first victory.
Because that is what I think my God is capable of. Because even though I am sweating and shaking, fearful and frightened, He knows just the right moment to unleash His glory. It is charging. It is charging fast...I can see the whites in the eyes of my enemies. I can’t turn back, and I can’t go forward. So I am going to fast my tongue and stay my hand...and wait until that glorious moment when My God comes forth in my life and says