Hey! My name is Ashley and I am a 30 year old mom with 6 kids born in 6 consecutive years. I love Jesus and have been married to my amazing husband for 10 years. I am also trying to navigate life with a chronic illness- I may not be able to control what it does to my body, but I can control what it does to my spirit. I'm in the middle when it comes to parenting and life..too crunchy for some, too mushy for others- but just right for me. My life is blessed and I want to share my journey with you.
Friday, December 7, 2012
A Time to Stay
I am still very emotional over last Friday’s post. After posting I felt exhausted and encouraged. I was exhausted from pouring out my heart, but encouraged from all of the prayers and support that poured my way. This post is simply me going through some remaining feelings I have about all this.
No, I am not doing any better physically, but that doesn't mean I am not right in the palm of His hands. If this is my new normal for now, then I need to walk in it with grace and take a look at the things that I have gained in the process...like the love and support of so many, and the chance to learn new lessons. I wanted to share my story with you for several reasons. Of course I was hoping that it would minister to someone, and I did feel like it would be good to share my heart...but I felt it would really help you understand a little more where me and my writing are coming from. I know I seem intense a lot and it is not just because thats the way I am- it is also a product of the roads I have walked. You are a culmination of your experiences, and that is why it is so important to know where you are and to remember the things that really count. There is something so unique and so beautiful about who you are, and that is because you have developed a personhood in the mist of what life has brought your way...and you have a lot to offer from it.
I do see the sweet side of following the Lord- I truly do. I know it is not all dark and twisty paths that we must walk. I really do know that. But life has ebbs and flows, and it is OK to be where you are. I may be in a desert, but I know He has equally beautiful places. I know that He is loving and kind, merciful and forgiving, generous and joyful. When the Bible refers to God as the I Am, it’s because He really IS. Right now, He is my shadow under the secret places. One day, He will be my dance of joy.
Take time to just sit and be. Take time to look around at where you are and where you have come from. Take the time to really believe that this is all for a purpose...and that one day, it will all pass away and the only part of this that will remain are the things that you invested into eternity.
I guess what I am trying to say to you, and to myself, is that it is OK to be where you are. Not that you shouldn’t be seeking the Lord and following His leading, but that sometimes He leads you somewhere and then has you set up camp for a while...and thats OK. There is a time to move and a time to stay- be very prayerful so that you know which is which. Being in a difficult place does not always mean that it is the wrong place. Don’t spend too much time analyzing how you got there or how you will get out- instead spend your time cultivating the land right where you are at, and the person you are while you are there.
The journey really is the destination.
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you." -Isaiah 54:10