Sunday, June 5, 2011

Big Update

Well hello internet! I realize that because I have kept this blog private I am pretty much talking to myself, but that's ok...I still plan on talking. I like documenting my life and the things in it, and maybe one day I will go public with this blog and let others read it.

This is an update to the things I blogged about over a year ago. I just posted the story of my daughter's birth 3 weeks ago, and this is an update on everything else. In March of 2010 I did my first ever 40-day fast (drinking only water and juice for 40 days). It was amazing and it ushered in many changes in my life. Now that some time has passed, I will go into detail about those changes.

My husband and I moved to Albany, NY in the summer of 2005 after graduating from Zion Bible College. We went to intern at New Hope Church, which is probably one of the most amazing places to learn and minister at. We spent 5 years there, and in that time my husband became on of the campus pastors. It was a very difficult 5 years, as the ministry there was very intense and the leadership even more intense...but I count it the best 5 years of our lives because the things we learned while there are invaluable. In the months before my fast, my husband and I started to feel even more overwhelmed than usual. The feeling could be described as pressed...pressed and squeezed to the point where you feel like you are going to blow. We began silently wondering if maybe our time in Albany was through. However, we had seen many people leave this ministry the wrong way and with the wrong attitude...just because something is hard does not mean you should leave. We decided that we would not leave Albany unless God spoke to our Pastor and he released us...we were not going to say a word. So we did not say a word about what we were thinking, and decided to pray...here enters my 40 day fast.

I was asking God specifically if we were done in Albany...and about 10 days into my fast, He confirmed that yes, we were done. I then spent the next 30 days praying SPECIFICALLY that God would speak it to our Pastor...because we were not going to. Well, 4 days after my fast, our Pastor came over to our house to talk. He then sat in our living room and told us he felt we were done there and he said the words I will never forget...he said "I release you." We did not say a word...God moved in all parties and gave us the extreme satisfaction of knowing we had finished our job and finished well. There is no greater way to leave than with a blessing.

That night my husband and I went to bed, completely excited and in awe...although not knowing what was next. However, that night the Lord put a place on my husband's heart...and by morning we both knew that He was calling us to go back to my husband's hometown of Amsterdam, NY.

We have been here in Amsterdam for a year now, and let me tell you I thought this was our year of jubilee! But instead, it has turned into the hardest year we have ever had, and that is saying a lot. I guess we thought that because of the way things happened that we would be walking into a place of prosperity and joy...but it has been all the opposite. We made some mistakes early on, but now we are walking rightly and simply waiting on God. We cannot seem to escape that...knowing that we are supposed to wait on Him.

Every day either my husband or I has a meltdown...it is just so hard. We have no clue what we are doing, or when it is going to change...we only know that He brought us here and has told us to wait on Him. And on top of that, He seems to be silent towards us. I heard a great quote on this subject that I love..."The teacher doesn't talk while he is giving a test." When the test comes, the teacher stops talking and you have to rely on what you have been taught. So true.

And here enters my next fast. I will begin a 21 day fast on June 27th. This one is immensely different...the first time, God reached out to me. This time, I am reaching out to Him. I want to really seek Him and just get nearer to Him. I guess I am hoping for some answers or direction.

I will be documenting this journey as well. I hope and pray that the miraculous happens yet again...but if nothing happens that is ok to. God is faithful always.

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