Monday, March 15, 2010

Day 8

Yesterday was difficult...not physically, but spiritually. I really need to have time alone with God. My life is so crazy that I really just want to lay in bed at night and read a book! It is hard to force myself to get alone with the Lord. Spirit verses flesh...and my flesh is very accustomed to winning. I want to receive all that God has for me in this fast! It's funny, i was talking about this with my husband the other day...I really just want it to be April 16th already so it will be completed. However, that would be skipping the most valuable parts of a fast, which is the journey. I just want to be done, but yet this is the part I really need to focus on because this is where the growing and changing happens. Its not just 40 days of no eating...it is a fast unto the Lord.

My husband has been such an encouragement to me. He is really speaking words to me that lift my spirit. I love that he believes in me. I really need to work on my attitude. I am allowing myself to be grouchy and short tempered, simply because I am fasting. Sounds really bad, huh? Well it is. I have such a sharp tongue and a horrible attitude. I would love to see those things worked out of me...it will take a lot of work! You'd think i would be a saint while fasting...but it seems to be bringing the worst of me out at times! Not the fast, but the s=whole denying the flesh things seems to make it really rise up. But that's good...if it rises up then maybe it can be uprooted. Either way, I am grateful for such a longsuffering husband.

Two nights ago I read a Psalm that really blessed me. It is Psalm 91. Here are the verses that really spoke to me. "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the almighty. 'I will say of the Lord 'He is my refuge and my fortress; My God in Him will I trust.'...You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day...A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you." Verses 1-2, 5, 7

That really blessed me! There are so many things that cause me to lie awake at night in fear of. There are things about my life and future that I fear, especially with my children. God spoke powerfully to me in this. Not just powerfully, but personally. I feel like I have a promise from the Lord that He will cause me to stand even if everyone around is falling. Whatever terror is being hurled at me, I will not be afraid. That doesn't mean I will be safe and protected from it all, but that whatever comes my way I will be able to stand strong in Him and know that He is upholding me.

Then this morning while I was having Bible time with the kids, we read Psalm 20...and I was blessed again! Here are the verses that spoke to me. "May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble; May the name of the God of Jacob defend you...May He remember all your offerings and accept your burnt sacrifice....Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He will answer Him from His holy heaven, with the saving strength of His right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the Lord our God. They have bowed down and fallen; But we have risen and stand upright. Save, Lord! May the King answer us when we call." Verses 1, 3, 6-9

That spoke to me! I read it several times to the kids, getting very touched and excited! This is what my fast is about. I needed the Lord to see me and hear me...and I needed Him to come to my rescue. i feel like He is affirming me and my fast. That He has heard me...not only heard me, but is answering me. I can't wait to see what He will do in this time. Praise the name of the Lord! Lift His name on High! He is worthy of all praise and honor and glory. Amen.

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