Thursday, March 11, 2010

Day 4

It's the beginning of day 4...and I am still so very excited!

Last night was amazing! I was reading up on fasting and I came across several things that suggested a deep and serious time of repenting upon beginning a fast. I immediately began repenting and many, many things were brought to my mind that I needed to repent from. A specific one was something that I forgot to ever deal with, yet made me a thief. Back at Christmas I ordered a fake tree from Target and they accidentally sent me 2 and only charged me for one. So I returned the duplicate tree only to realize a month later that they credited me back the money. So basically I got my tree for free. Well I kept meaning to deal with it and have them charge me they money back, but I never did...and God brought it to my remembrance while in prayer and I immediately sent an e-mail and gave my authorization to charge my card. Fasting really does open doors for God to move. I feel so cleansed...there was so much I needed to repent of!

God has been speaking to me. I feel more spiritually alive than ever before. I could not stop thanking Him last night, because I feel like this is a very special gift from God to me. I have always struggled with thinking God was mad at me, or that I wasn't good enough...I had this lingering fear that if the rapture happened, I would miss it because I am not a very good Christian. It is like God is saying to me "Yes, we need to get you deeper and I will take you there...but more than that I love you and this is a gift for you. I am not mad...you are so special to me and I want to show you how much I love you." Amazing. This truly feels like a gift God is giving to me...I can feel that He wants to do a complete 360 degree work in me. Physically, spiritually, mentally...everything. He actually orchestrated things in my life to create this fast for me. I cannot stop thanking Him.

Physically, I am still hungry. I heard that it is supposed to cease after 3 days, but I woke up today hungry with my stomach growling! It will probably subside...but I know the mental part will not. Every time ANY thought comes into my head I immediately pray...if I can conquer my mind than I know I will stay in this fast. I know that God has set apart these 40 days for me and I want to receive it all.

I told hubby last night. It was pretty foolish to think i couldn't tell him! He asked me over and over to tell him about how my fast has been...so I told him all that God had been leading me in. He said he could see it all over my face and countenance. He was so supportive and so encouraging. I told him no matter what to not offer me a back door...but to encourage me to finish. he said he feels it too and believes that this is of the Lord for me, and he is supporting me all the way. So here I go!

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