Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Day 3

Ok, it is the morning of day 3! You might be wondering why I blog in the morning, instead of at the end of the day...well, most of my insight/time with God occurs throughout the day and late at night. There is no way I am getting up to blog at night, so in the morning I can write about the day/night before. SO...

I realized laying in bed last night worshipping God that He has already been very much at work. First off, He spoke to me yesterday while I was reading the Bible. I wasn't even really locking myself away to hear from Him...the kids were running around and I grabbed my Bible and began to read Haggai. While I did, I felt a very strong presence that the book was for me and my life. I am not sure if that it the complete message/word, but He definitely spoke and it was thrilling.

Also, I began to think about the whole timing of this fast. I did not plan it...God did. I didn't even know I was doing it until day 1. But the more I was thinking about it, the more I realized that there could be no better time than now. You see, my husband and I allow God to control the size of our family, and since making that decision 5 years ago I have been pregnant 6 times. I gave birth to 4 kids and had 2 miscarriages. So between having babies and nursing, I have not been able to fast hardly at all the last few years. Fast forward to now...I gave birth 6 weeks ago. Because we abstain for the first 6 weeks, there is no chance I could be pregnant and therefore it is definitely safe for me to fast now. I am amazed by this. If I had waited and tried to plan it myself, things easily could have gotten in the way. Then there is another thing...this may seem completely wrong, but I assure you it is not my motive...in fact, it did not cross my mind until yesterday. Because of all the pregnancies so close together, I have consistently been keeping a few pounds on my body. This makes my pregnancies difficult as well as life after. It actually made me start to resent being pregnant and to not look forward to getting pregnant again, should the Lord bless us. That is not how I want to feel. I want to feel good and be at a healthy weight before starting another pregnancy. I always work out and do Weight Watchers in between, and while I do lose weight I do not lose enough. I realized that this fast very well could get me back to a healthy place should we be blessed with another child. I am thankful for that. Not a worldly thanks for "getting thinner", but a spiritual gratitude in knowing that I could joyfully embark on whatever God has for me and my family.

It's funny, I was thinking yesterday about this fast...mainly the hard part of it. I was counting days, looking at all the events coming up that I would have to not eat at. It is so easy to allow life situations to hold us back...there are so many things coming up that I would naturally not plan to fast through, A women's retreat, my parents coming to visit, and Easter are all around the corner. But there will always be something, right?

Ok physically...ummm, I feel ok. Definitely feel hungry and empty. I need to go get some juices; no way I will make 40 days on just apple juice! I have been researching juices that are good, and also how to properly come off an extended fast. The hardest part is definitely the mind. I constantly have to call on God to keep me from thinking! Once I start thinking, I begin to tell myself that there is no way i can do this, and that it's ok if I don't finish. Them words are quittin' words! I can't think about it...I just need to pray through it.

That is another reason why I don't want to tell Hubby. I know he will probably be concerned, and if it gets difficult he might encourage me to stop, or at least tell me that it will be ok if I do. I just don't want anyone to give me an easy out, because I will take it! If I do not finish, then I would like the encouraging words...but I don't want them while I am still fasting, because it will be too tempting to stop. You know what I mean?

Ok, time to go make breakfast for the kids! haha

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